Why We Aren’t Married

Wehan and Lydia in Bali Foodie Couple Adventures

‘When are you going to get married?’, ‘You guys have been together so long, why aren’t you married?’, ‘So at what point are you guys going to get married?’, ‘Oh so you’re not married yet, why not?, ‘What’s the point in waiting so long to get married when you know you’re going to stay together’.  Oh, we’ve heard it all. We briefly summarised why we aren’t married yet on our Instagram a few months ago but we’ve decided it’s time to give the full story.

The Start

After being together 8 years being questioned about why we aren’t married is now a regular occurrence. Well, actually, the marriage questions started well before 8 years but they’ve definitely picked up in frequency over the last couple of years.

For those who don’t know we’re high school sweethearts and have been together since we were 13. The first few years people said ‘Oh how cute that you’ve been together so long’ and ‘you won’t last when you leave high school’. No one took us seriously then, and fair enough, I mean we were 13, even we didn’t know we’d last this long!

I (Lydia) actually remember a moment with my mom where I asked her what she thought about Wehan and she said ‘he’s so sweet and he’s such a nice guy, I just wish you’d met him later in life’.  This was closely followed by the excuse ‘well you’re just so young’. And look, once again, fair enough, we were 13!

As soon as we hit 18 the marriage questions really began picking up. At this point we’d been together about 5 years. The discussion was brought up amongst family, then friends and now it’s at the point where people we’ve only just met question why we aren’t married after finding out how long we’ve been together. Note: Being asked doesn’t bother us at all, it makes for an interesting conversation!

The Reason

In short, we decided to put a house before a wedding. Don’t get me wrong, we’ve talked about it and we really want to get married one day. But we decided that we wanted to use our savings to buy a house and to set us up for the future.

Anyone who knows us personally knows that we are extremely money conscious and are goal driven. Our goal was to buy a house, so we worked our ass off and we did that. At that time we were just so focused on our goal of owning a house that we didn’t want to spend money on anything else. Once we got the house we started working towards other purchases: sofas, dining table, fridge, new computers, VR, the list goes on. Not once did we think about using that money to get married or engaged.

And now we have two very big purchases in the works and not for one second are we thinking about putting an engagement ring/wedding before those purchases.

We know that a ring and a wedding doesn’t have to cost a fortune (and yes we could go elope!) but honestly, money aside, I don’t feel the need to put a ring on Wehan to know he’ll be with me forever, and Wehan knows that he doesn’t need to put a ring on me to know that I’ll stay with him forever. The love, trust and loyalty in our relationship speaks for itself. Besides, a 30 year mortgage is pretty hard to get out of.

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